To be honest I have been so busy that I have been unable to look for insurance. My guess is that most of the others are in the same boat and most of us will go on the tour without travel insurance. Just spoke to Jhangir and it looks likes he will not be going. He has had a serious illenss in the family and it would not be appropriate for him to travel. We are keeping our fingers crossed and hoping that he can make it.

Well its that day again when we have to set off. We are all suppose to gather at Billy's house at 2.45pm and set off at 3.15pm. I am the first one there at 2.30pm and there is no one else there. Billy is not at home and appears to be working on Taxi to the last minute. Around 3.00pm local lads start to arrive with Kazi and Ziyad arriving amongst the first. Jhangir is also here come to see us off. It is rather unfortunate but he cannot make it because of a serious family illness. We are going to miss him. Kadi and another lad have also dropped out becuase of personal problems. That leaves just leaves a party of 18.

Around 3.15 the Middlesborough lads have arrived but there is no sign of the Dewsvury lads; hell they live 5 miles away. Kazi phones Naz and the excuse he gets is that he has been to the school and been held up. Anyway they arrive at 3.25pm and we load the luggage into the coach and set off at around 3.40pm.

It was a comfortable journey to Birmigham airport which we covered in 2 hrs. Just for the fun of it Amara telephoned capt some guy who had missed out on the trip (lets not name names!). I am sure the conversation went down well.

Anyway we arrived at the airport and queued up for check-in. We were supposed to be joined by Farrukh, our last member from London.. He was coming up from on train but decided to stop over in Coventry with his relatives. Ad we were queued for check-in I telephoned him; he said that he was 'just down the road' and would be 5 mins. Some 15 mins elapsed and we were getting checked-in when he arrived and just caught the last check-in position. It transpired that when I telephoned him he was still in Coventry and not even set off!

Anyway we all got checked in and cleared security. We we asked questions, although politely, as to where we were going etc. I supposed they are just doing their job. After a couple of hours in the departure lounge and several after-shave tests later, we boarded the Emirates plane. Seating was reasonable and close together. Prince Yousuf tried to play his health card and asked if he could have a seat at the front. He failed miserably but the staff did allow him to use the 3 spare staff seats at the back. It did mean he was on his own and we had to go to the back from time to time to make sure he did not get bored or felt left out. The rest of us had to put up with 2 nattering women who kept us awake for the most of the journey.

We arrived pretty much on time but the plane parked up in front of the unfinished terminal. So we were shifted to the arrivals terminal in a bus which took some 2 hrs (ok maybe I am exaggerating). Immigration was smooth apart from Kazi getting pulled up because he did not know the hotel name. Babir had to rescue him by pointing out the hotel. We collected our luggage but then realised that Fayoom was lost and was nowhere to be seen. So a search party was dispatched; he was found at the other end of the terminal stood around waiting for his luggage from flight MA56 from Kathmandu.

Having got all the luggage we proceeded outside where we met by the hotel representative who took us to the 'luxury' coaches waiting for us. No! They were 2 minibuses which worked their way down through downtime Dubai in rush-hour traffic which was miving at a snail's pace.

We all tucked into our beds and caught up on some sleep. Most of us slept through the day whilst poor old Babir was running around getting money changed and arranging excursions for us. Most the arrangements are being done through a friend of Yousuf who lives here. It means we wont get ripped off and get honest opinions as to where and what to see. Are you sure sure Yousuf?

We meet in the evening and are taken to a restaurant in a minibus, well most of us. The 'Committee' members board the official pejaro and meet us there. The restaurant is a buffet style setup where you eat as much as you can. We all tuck into the delicious food on offer with several members helping themselves to several helpings; hey there is nothing wrong with that; it does say, 'eat as much as you can'. The deserts were absolutely brilliant and we helped ourselves to a helping of each one (Kheer, halva, etc). In fact there was a halva which Farrukh and myself had in Gilgit in 1990 and never seen since. He was over the moon having found that dish after 16 years. So the return trip to Gilgit is off ! Everybody agreed that the food was very tasty (apart from the tea which was sai to be below par, maybe due to the camel milk used). Nazakat only had 6 Kulfis before we dragged him out of the restuarant.

At the door of the restaurant was a small'ish chap, in fact a very small chap. Tani (Middlesborough) felt proud that we had spotted someone shorter than him. There was much talk about other Tani and his recent operation and his transformation to Tanya; but we must not indulge in peoples' personal issues.

We returned to the hotel when some of the lads decided to view the wildlife show on offer; the more reserved amongst us socialised in the lobby. The people enjoying the show were shocked when they were hit by bills for a glass of pepsi each for 20 Dhiram (thats a cool 3.10 quid for a pepsi). You live and learn, or do you? 

It is rumoured that certain members of the committee itself were not happy with the hotel. Apparently, Billy and Tani (M) had conspired during the night to check out at dawn and setup shop in the 7* Burj-al-Arab. It was only after Kazi told them about the daily rate there ($1500/person/night) that they changed their mind and decided to stay with us. Spoilsports. I mean who would have Billy, expecially after the mess he made in Singapore. Spoil-sports!

This was the first day that we were going to have breakfast in the hotel. I got up late becuase the alarm had failed to go off (in fact the alarm did go off but only at the Englisg time which was 3 hrs late). We rushed down to the restaurant which was closing; they gave us toast and mothi daal. The other lads had got up early and enjoyed breakfast before setting off for Jumeira beach by taxi. It transpired later that the breakfast was not enjoyed by anyone. Toast, tastless tea and daal do not exactly go down well with our lads. I mean on the last tour we had 6 varities of melon as well as varities of cereals and cooked food; none of this in this hotel I am afraid.

The lads ended up on the beach and played beach football, or was it football in the sea as the key players gradually drifted off into the sea. Lacking players Yousuf, who was in the goals, invited a few passing ladies to join in the game; he only got weird looks. But give him credit for trying.

It was a moment to ponder over some of the lads who had missed out on this trip. Murtaza, Kadi, 'White tiger..arrrrrrrrr kid' Gully and Jhangir. Pity they could not join us but life is such.

It was suggested by Amar that someone should recite Kadi's notorious 'grape and water melon' joke in broad yorkshire accent. Unfortunately nobody volunteered. Incidently, on the last tour, during a long coach journey jokes were told by various members. Kadi had come out with a joke about grapes and water melons which was considered to be too tasteless and was edited out of the final tour video. However, rumour has it that another dvd was mastered which contained some deleted scenes, including Kadi's joke and Billy's escapades in Thailand. Apparently only one person has seen this short dvd which remains under lock and key.

Later in the afternoon we moved around the corner from the hotel and dined in a Pakistani dabba - oh yes, if there is a dabba, we will find it. The saag-ghosht, chicken and mutton were ordinary but eatable but fried brain was a firm favourite. It is not true that one member of the team had donated his brain for this dish. We would'nt notice anyway.

Late in the afternoon we were packed into 3 land cruisers and embarked on a desert safari.After travelling some 20 miles out of town we came to a service station where got resfreshments and the drivers let down their tyres for desert driving. We then left in a convoy and started off on the thrills that is the desert safari. This consists of some of the most dangerous driving through the desert and sand dunes scaring passengers to death. I had been on one of these before and so was familiar. However, this particular drive was most exhalirating and the drivers tried their utmost best to thrill without turning over the vehicles. When we stopped for a photo session, youg Tany(a) looked rather pale as did Ash. Several younger members were treated for mild shock (we just told them to grow up).

After the thrilling rides we proceeded to the desert camp for the evening event. There we took part in camel riding and driving quad bikes. These bikes were ultra fast and accelerated through the desert like rockets; a certain story about a Jetski in Penang comes to mind. Tani (M), Billy and his cousin [who had arrived this morning] took the drive on these fast machines at a cost of 50 Dh (about 8 quid) each only to return looking as though they had seen a ghost.

When it came to the camel rides it was a different story. Naz, Tariq, Shams and others had rides. However, when Yousuf decided to have a ride, the camel owner refused to carry him (for some reason). We pleaded with him only for him to insist that Yousuf would have to ride in a single-passenger profile. Yousuf got onto the camel after much difficulty and help from others but the camel then refused to get up. The camel was shouted at and sticks waived at but he would not get up. We sensed that maybe it was not Yousuf but the camel was ill. We all insisted on Yousuf disembarking as we did not want to see animal cruelty. All of a sudden the camel decided to get up and give Yousuf a ride around the complex. Yousuf getting off was the camel was a another story.

We then proceeded into the camp complex where we participated in various events including henna painting, 'knock the heavy glasses off the table competition, dress-up as an Arab and enjoying a buffet although the quality of the food left much to be desired. Most people only had one helping whilst Shams manage to sneak back for 3 rounds.

After the meal, it was time for dance-manse. Most of the team watched a belly-dancer whilst some of us more reserved members blind-folded ourselves. Not mentioning any names but several members of our group were dragged onto the centre stage and made to do awkward dance moves, all whilst the team video was being recorded. I hear that the the team media man who was doing the video has been offered amounts of money from certain group members to edit out their antics on the dance floor, lest their spouses get to see the video.

Update: 13/10/06: A small video for your taste buds. 

The event finished around 8.40pm and we returned to the hotel. The overall feeling was very positive and the lads felt that the desert safarai had a been excellent. We felt that the company had gone out of their way and provided excellent value for money.

Later at night, some of us enjoyed the famous Dubai falooda at Bombay Chawpatti. We are keeping it a secret until the last days. Time to go to sleep.

btw we never found out which member of the group had henna painting done on their person. Update 12/10/06: We have reliable information that it was a certain person with strong Bollywood connections; we leave it to you to think about it.

..you may well ask. As a matter of fact we had forgotten ourselves that we had come to play cricket. We posed the question to Babir who tried to dodge the question at first. He explained that he had 3 matches arranged for us. However, having seen the pitches (concrete wicket on sand ground), he felt that there was no way we could play on there expecially in the heat. He has been busy trying to re-arrange the matches on grass wickets. He's going to have a tough time finding one of those as the nearest grass wicket is reputed to be in Esfahan! No, seriously he is trying to get the matches to be played on the Sharjah international pictch. We will keep our fingers crossed.

Reports haveemerged that Farrukh took part in a pool tournament withe the lads and lost every game. These Londoners! Further, he was spotted leaving the hotel at 1.25am last night. Chi chi!!!

News has also emerged that whilst out on a walk with the lads, Raf was proposed to by a rather bizarre suitor. Without going into details, the lads had to save him by declining the proposal in the interest of his current position. There was no way this proposal could have been accepted - get our drift!

Apparently Amar 'Crimewatch Dubai' Ditta has been setting out a strict late-night regime for the group members. Under his orders no one is allowed to leave the hotel, or even their bedrooms, after 10pm. I am not sure that many people have taken notice.

Today we had a Dow boat cruise arranged. After doing shopping around town, we were picked up from the hotel and taken to a Dow boat which we boarded at around 8pm. Whilst the enclosed bottom deck was occupied by honey-mooners and other tourists, we took over the top deck. A dining table had been laid out specially for us. The cruise was not get going as they were waiting for some people who were late. On our insistence the boat set off only to return after about 100 yards because the missing passengers had arrived. As the couple were boarding, we were talking from the top deck to which their guide took some kind of offence. He thought it was a good idea to respond in Arabic and then in English but Ash and Amar gave him some stick. I told them that I suspected he was a Pakistani ex-pat who was trying to be clever. Anyway the lads sorted him out verbally and he ran off towards his car. The boat man later confirmed that he was indeed a Pakistani.

Anyway we set off on the cruise and sailed down the creek and then back up again. A buffet dinner was on the menu and we helped ourselves to generous portions as usual. The deserts were particularly liked. Tani (m) abstained from dinner for some reason and we had to feed him later. Dinner was followed by a magic show on the lower deck The magician was no David Copperfield but then we were no brilliant audience either. The cruise finished at around 9pm and we were brought back to the hotel. In fact a group of us alighted at a dabba and had lassi and tea there whilst feeding Tani (m). Yousuf was the kind host.

Today we had arranged to go on a city tour of Dubai. The night before we were told to gather in the hotel lobby for a 11am set off. Most of us had arrived in the lobby at around 10.50 but some other people were missing, especially the committee members. When they did arrive it transpired that the time was set to 11.30 for set off and not 11am. Funny that nobody had been told and the committee members were the latecomers. This lethargic attituted to time-keeping seems to be happening more and more and the organising team are not doing much about it (they are the worst offenders).

Anyway when all people had arrived, Yousuf was missing. Somebody pointed out that he had gone to the Dhobi-ghat to have his washing done; so we had to wait for him. He arrived at 11.30 and we set of on the mini-coach. There was no tour guide and the running (or should I say dripping) commentary was provided by a certain young person who was totally unsuitable for the job. Anyway we drove around Dubai and then stopped off at the Marcatano shopping mall for 20 mins. Moving on we reached Emirates mall where we lunched and watched people ski down the indoor ski-slope. Babir, Farrukh and myself set off back for the coach first but somehow lost our way through the complex shopping grid. When we did reach the coach, everyone was waiting and we got a bit of a 'telling off'.

We then drove across to the Ibn Battuta shopping mall. Now this place was a work of architechtiral genious. The whole design of the mall, interior and exterior, was based on the Islamic buildings in Samarkand and Bukhara. I found it very facinating how they had managed to fuse the old Central Asian Islamic designs into a modern building. I doubt many other people noticed or appreciated the significance of this place. Anyway, Bollywood Raf and Shams engaged in some heavywieght designer shopping; credit cards were seen to be scanned several times. Raf had bagged a real bargain. He had spotted a jacket worth 50,000 pounds reduced to 140 quid; he did not hesitate to pick that bargain as well as other designer gear. Shams was not far behind him on the designer spending front.

We then drove back early because a small number of vocal people wanted to go back to the hotel. Unfortunately, throughout this city tour there were people moaning as they were unhappy with the trip in one way or the other. In the end the small vocal minority got their way and we ended up heading back to the hotel early.

We all headed to our rooms whilst Billy left for Sharjah to see his relatives. Apparently one member of the group was cvarrying some Tetley tea bags for him as his relatives could not buy Tetleys tea bags locally. It transpired that when Billy went to collect these tea bags, most of them had disappeared - somebody had been drinking tea in their bedroom. Out of 240 tea bags, there were only 15 left. So much for safe keeping.

Babir proposed that we go and watch a movie in the evening. We drove down to one of the posher cinemas (hell it was posh - 25Dh to watch a Bollywood film!). We ended up watching Munna Bahi 2 and the lads 'laughed their heads off'. Bollywood films, even comedies, are rarely funny but this film had the guys in stitches. Apparently Tany(a) and Kazi had abstained from the movie; Kazi played pool with someone and Tany(a) went to bed early (for a change, thats after letting his hair down the other night).

We returned to the hotel at about 2am and then decided to go for a much. Half of the party ended up in the favourite Pakistani dabba and having dinner at 3am whilst the rest stayed in the hotel and ordered pizzas (except Tany(a) who was awakened and kept awake by the pizza brigade).

There is still no sign of cricket.

At 9.15 the first cricket match of the tour got under way although it was a five-a-side knock. Playing for the touring party, Naz, Farrukh, Tariq, Fayoom and Hanif took the field against the finest from the UAE. Naz did wonder with the ball getting 3 quick wickets. UAE managed to get some runs on the board and were on 26 for 3 after 7 overs. Tariq came on to bowl from one end with Farrukh from the other end. They both cleaned up the tail with the hosts 32 all out. In reply, Naz and Tariq knocked off the required 33 runs in 3 overs and were picked up the trophies and were on our way withing 2 hrs.

The hosts were particularly impressed with Naz and he was approached by a local coach. I am not sure of the details but I saw Naz sign some important and official papers. I suspect that he may not be going back to Dewsbury or may be moving permanently to Dubai soon.

Apologies - there was no real cricket as mentioned earlier; that was a fantasy cricket match inacted on the breakfast table between the 5 members. Naz can get his hopes up, in his dreams anyway. Don't worry, he is coming back to Dewsbury. We have heard that we may get a cricket match after all later in the week. Fingers crossed.

Monday we ventured out to Jumereah beach. We were instructed to meet in the hotel lobby at 11am for us to go together. However, getting everyone together at one time proved awfully difficult, especially as the committee members were late again.

Anyway some of us got together and caught taxis to the beach. We ended up on the stretch of beach next to the Burj-al-Arab. Others joined us later in the afternoon, except Raf who was out shopping again. We tried playing cricket but the ball would not bounce on the sand; it burst after 5 mins - well done Kazi for buying quality gear. Then we decided to have a game of football, Wakefield against Middlesborough. Wakefield took the early lead with 2 quick goals but Middlesborough made a comeback after stationing 4 men as goal-poachers. The score was 2-3 to Middlesborough when we decided to take half-time break due to exhaustion. However, the match failed to restart as everyone was tired. We caught taxis back to the hotel.

In one taxi little Naz (m) got a lecture from the taxi driver who questioned him on his tiny line beard and moustache. Being the polite lad that he is he did not say anything but listened. The taxi driver took advantage and gave him and other a long talk on Islam. He stressed that if you have 100kg of milk and you put a tiny spit it becomes haram; if you put one drop of alcohol in there it becomes haram.....and so on. The lads asked him how long he works; he said that he only works during the day because he likes to have a little drink at night!! Whisky shisky was the the menu at night!!!! And he reported that he had been Dubai for 24 years but never sent more than 4000 rupees to his family. Nice man.

In one of the other taxis, Yousuf, Tani (m), Farrukh and Hanif got ripped off by a Pakistani taxi driver. They set off from Jumeriah beach back towards town but the driver turned right after a small distance and took a different route. Noticing that he was avoiding the straight route, they asked hime what was going on. He replied that the normal route is so busy at that time and his route was the best. They arrived at the hotel after some 90mins with the meter showing 43 Dh (it would have cost them 31 Dh if they had come on the regular route). They thanked the Pakistani driver for his bahi-chara and made a note of his taxi number. I suspect a complaint will be going into the taxi company.

Later in the night we headed to the pizza place round the corner from the hotel. Waiting some one hour after ordering, the pizzas, fish&chips and other delicacies arrived on the tables. To say that the lads 'stuffed themselves' would be an understatement.

Plans were in place to visit the Wild Wadi water park. We met in the hotel lobby for 11am and for a change most people were on time. The coach arrived on time but the tickets had not been delivered. We had to wait some 30 mins before the ticket came and we set off to the Wild Wadi.

Arriving at the water park, we quickly got changed and started going on the water rides. The groups appeared to have enjoyed themselves with all the super fast water rides although I did not see anyone having a go on the surf-board. Raf took full advantage and got value for money by lying on the sun-loungers for most of the time. Fayoom was kidnapped by his colleagues and taken to the 120ft water slide which can put fear in grown-up men. He did not want to go in this ride but was dragged along anyway. Getting closer to the ride, he made a whole plathora of excuses. He was sandwiched in between 5 people and stopped from running off. Getting 10 yards nearer the ride, he used the 'bad back' execuse but he was not let off. Getting 5 yards away, he used his trump card (high blood pressure) which the other lads rejected. Anyway he was eventually pushed down the slide and the ride was over in 10 secs. Tariq, Tany(w), Nazm Farrukh and Hanif, the offenders, saw him at the bottom with his face turning colours. I am not sure but I heard Fayoom made all sorts of pledges if he 'survived' the ride.

On the way back we were asked what time we should go for dinner and where. A vote was taken and decided that Ibrahimi restaurant (where we had a first buffet dinner) was the preferred location and 10-11pm was the chosen time. So they decided to go at 9pm - thats democracy for you. One member of the group complained about the lack of lunch. Most of the lads had some burgers and fries at the park but some did not get any time. Anyway, one or two people got a bit stressed out but the matter was resolved without refunds taking place (!).

Later last night we ventured out to the team dinner at the Ibrahimi Palace, the place we ate at on the first day. Going for the buffet option again, the lads got stuck in and helped themselves to rather generous portions of starters and main course. When we moved to the deserts we could not find our favourite dishes; they had run out. So we had to do with some halva and custard. They did'nt have any fresh kulfis but we demanded that Naz be provided with a dozen kulfis. They managed to find only 4 in the freezer. Naz ate the first 3 and then moved to the 4th when he decided that they were not as good as the fresh ones.

Some of the lads did not join us as they had other things on the menu. Tany (w) abstained on the ground that he was feeling unwell. In reality he just wanted to stay in the hotel and finish his book ('How to survive on Everest' - well you never know when this know-how would come in handy). I think he is moving on to 'How to survive on K2' next.

Today was a free day for the lads to do whatever they liked, maybe shopping. Some of them got up early and moved around town picking up bargains whilst other slept in and caught up on some sleep.

I travelled to Deira City Centre shopping mall with Farrukh by the airport bus. We did some shopping and then moved onto some shops on the other side. When we came out we started to flag down taxis but none would stop. We must have flagged at least 200 taxis without any success. Having failed to get a taxi we moved to a bus stop and waited 40 mins for a bus which was jam-packed; we arrived at the hotel standing all the way. Phew!!

Having had a rest for 1/2 hr we travelled across the creek in a boat and tried to find a taxi to take us to another shop in Deira. We literally flagged hundreds of taxis without any of them responding. WE walked about a mile and half in extreme heat before finding a bus. The return journey was no better and we had to resort to bus and boat to get back to the hotel. Farrukh crashed out in the bedroom and swore never to go shopping in Dubai again.

It transpired that some of the other lads who had gone shopping could not find a taxi either and had to wait 2 hrs. Dubai seems to have become one big traffic jam. The buses are unreliable (maybe due to the traffic jams) and the taxis, numbering 6-8000 are hard to find at times. Today we noticed that every 6-7th vehicle on the road was a taxi yet they were so busy.

Anyway some of lads went to KFC for a meal in Meena bazaar. Farrukh was diagnosed with heat-stroke and exhaustion and was provided with a KFC take-away in the hotel. The things we have to do!

We had a trip planned for today to visit Hatta which is a culutral village outside of Dubai in the Hajour mountains. We set off at 10.30am, late as usual and the journey was to take just one hour but dragged on for around 2.5 hrs. Anyway we kept ourselves amused on the coach. First off Yousuf recieved a text message confirming the match in Sharjah. This came as a relief as we had lost hope of playing a match here. Tany (w), who was asleep, suddenly woke up and had a huge smile on his face after hearing the news. However, some of us in the back, including Yousuf, Tani (m), Billy and Kazi figured out that this was a prank and there could only be one person capable of playing such a cruel joke. We figured that Amar, in collabration with Barbir, had sent this text message, we decided to play an even cruel joker on them on arrival; the plan was hatched between the people at tha back of the coach. When Tany (w) realised that there was no cricket match, he went back to his state of depression even further. He was seen taking Prozac later in the day.

There was an interesting song being played on the coach stereo - 'Chori chori dil le gayee'. This started off a competition between front and back. Prince Yousuf mimiced a mujra move and the lads cheered him on. He asked that Bollywood Raf, sitting at the front, should respond but Raf stayed put. Yousuf broke into full Bhangra teasing Raf; taunts followed but Raf did not relent. Amar and Barbir responded in his place by doing some moves - it was more like Anjuman sans Sultan Rahi rather than anything resembling bhangra. Anyway Billy, Kazi and Tani (m) responded with a proper dance sequence but Raf failed to take note and did not respond. On the suggestion of the author, all the lads at the back got up and did a chicken dance to taunt Raf but he still failed to get up and dance. His colleagues at the front forced him to show some moves to save face. He got up and did couple of Madhuri moves and sat down again. The lads at the back then insisted that everyone in the coach had to do a bhangra dance including our tour guide. Naz, Tariq, Fayoom, Zahid and most of the other lads got up and obliged. This author was also forced to get up and do his bit whilst Kazi took over the video. Not being the dance type, I suspect it was more like the 'gunfight at the OK Coral' than any bhangra dance. But then I have never done any kind of dance except that alleged moonwalk to Billie Jean 23 years ago; people in the know know. Sadly Farrukh and Rafeed (Raf's brother) refused point-blank and became spoil-sports - you always get the shy ones. Update 2/11/06: after an unprecedented demand to see the video, we bring you the bhangra sequence right here.

We passed a palace which is owned by a prince of Abhu Dhabi and Amar was impressed. The driver offered to drop him off at the gate and pick him up later but he turned down the offer. Anyway what were we doing in Abhu Dhabi? We should have gone to Hatta through Oman. We started to suspect that the driver was lost and we eventually ended up in Al Ain watching quarries and cement factories go past. We were taken to a hill-side resort where there was a lot of grass (rarity in these parts). When we stopped, we were taken into a building where they had a swimming pool full of water, smnelling of sulphur, from the hot springs in the mountains. Half of the lads who were alert and had brought shorts and towels got changed and jumped in whilst the rest watched with disappointment. We were not exectly happy as we were expecting to visit the rock pools which were in the mountains and people swam outside in between the rocks. Our guide gave us all sorts of execuses and explained that there was no such thing. I think the driver getting lost may have had something to do with this. Interestingley enough they have taken full advantage of the hot springs and turned the area into a tourist resort. Compare this with Tatta Pani in Azad Kashmir where there are no facilities and the hot springs flow out of the ground besides a river. Anyway we were not impressed with this swimming lark. Ok we did not have a swimming pool in he hotel but as Kazi put it, it was a long way to come for a swim.

We came out of the pool after 1/2 hr and then drove up a mountain range; don't ask me what it was called because the guide, like us, was not that clued up. We got to the top and parked in a large parking/viewing and took photos. There was'nt much point taking photos as there was a lot of mist/dust around and the panoramic views where rather stale.

We travelled down the mountain to Al Ain and into a KFC joint to play our part in the world's fight against bird flu. Choosing the 'eat all you can' option, the lads reduced the world's chicken population by several hundred.

Afternoon is not a good time to visit a zoo but we did. All the animals were asleep inside or in the bushes and there was not much to see apart from a couple of lions. In front of the lion's den the lads decided to execute their revenge by feeding Amar to the lions. They picked him up and tried to restrain him before throwing him over the fence but he got rather angry. The lads let him go. For a guy who plays practical jokes and pranks on everyone, he responded  rather badly to a bit of his own medicine.

We left the zoo early to go riding quad bikes but decided against it since Billy wanted to go back to the hotel - yes the same story, the same person again. So we headed back to Dubai and our beachless hotel.

Well we never saw Hatta, the driver lost his way and took us to Al-Ain to show us something completely different. Its like setting off for Blackpool but ending up in Wetherby.

We got back to the hotel exhausted and crashed out into our respective rooms. I looked through the video in the hope that Kazi may have pressed the wrong button and I would not be seen making a fool of myself in the bhangra contest. It was'nt to be. Anyway, there were some other people who also made a fool of themselves and I had tears in my eyes watching the video. I think a few personalities will perish when the video is finally released (watch out for that advance screening at Cineworld).

A couple of the lads were upset that they had their hopes of a cricket match built and then dashed. Two of them were taken to York Interntional for some Steppes therapy.Tany (w) was more philosophical. On being asked what further punishment he would like to see for Amar and Barbir, he replied 'I forgive them'. What a man! Anyway it was confirmed beyond doubt that it was indeed Amar and Barbir who played out the prank in the morning.

Well, since there was nothing planned, Friday was declared a free day. The lads were advised to use the day to complete their shopping.

News emerged later last night that a match had been aranged at Sharjah.This news was reputed to have come from a different source and is claimed to be true. Yes, we may finally play a cricket match. The lads are still pretty suspect about the news but we'll keep our fingers crossed. Only problem is that Ramdhan has started and I am not sure how the lads are going to cope playing in the heat whilst fasting.

Other than that its been a quiet day. It is rumoured that a certain little person with 20 years of marriage has never bought a gift for his wife but Dubai has taken a toll on his heart and he relented in the Gold Souk. Hmmmm......

According to Amar, Babir was spotted in Karama alone and then remained in his room upon his return. Amar seems to think that 'daal mein kuch kala tha'.

Last night we had confirmed that the match at Sharjah was really on and that we would play a local team at the Sharjah international stadium. I am told a certain Mr Hussain and Mr Iqbal (locals); had turned up to manage the team but I fail to see their contributions so far.

At around 9pm a teamsheet was posted which infuriated a few people. The committee members found out about this and started to investigate as they had not declared any team. They figured this was a revenge prank. Billy asked the hotel control room to let him see cctv footage. After scanning through several hours of video he figured out who the culprits were.

An emergency meeting of the team was covened and the prank brought to the attention of the group. They asked the offenders to own up to which Nazir came forward but his partner in crime stayed quiet. So Billy told the group that he had seen the cctv footage and knew who the other offender was; Zahid owned up. They both explained that this was just a simple joke to have a laugh just as Amar and Barbir played a cruel joke on the team earlier. The committe found them guilty and told them both to be 12/13th men at the match as punishment. Some of us felt that the punishment was rather harsh, especially since no vote had been taken on their verdict. I, for one, supported their actions.

Shams had been left out of the team on the 'joke' teamshet. However, when the real team was declared, he was left out again. He was not a happy chap and went into a state of depression and anger; words were exchanged.

We got up early to set off for Sharjah today. Meeting at 11am we were to head for Sharjah stadium and have a bit of a practice before the match but our arrangements had been half-cooked and we ended up sitting in a supermarket car park for 1/2 hr. Eventually we reached the stadium and got changed. Shams was informed that he was playing and that the committe had missed him out on the team sheet just to annoy him and have a laugh at his expense.

This internationl stadium over the last 15-20 years has hosted international matches and been the the home of the Sharjah cup which has been traditionally fought by Sri Lanka, Pakistan and India. Due to the betting scandals and other controversies, it no longer has the status of its yesteryear and ODI are not played here much. In fact looking at the state of the ground it looks as though no international match has been played here for years. The ground and the wicket was in state of disrepair. Nowadays local teams use the ground for cricket matches and the daily Ramadhan 20/20 cup matches are played here.

We played a 25-over match against a local team. We lost the toss and were put into field; no team would want to field first because of the heat. We made a reasonable and economical start with Naz and Tany (w) keeping the run-rate down. Tany got a couple of wickets and put the hosts on the back foot. There were not many boundaries as the outfield had not been cut and was really slow. However, the batting team kept the score ticking and reached 100 for 3 with 3 overs to go. At this point they decided to launch and offensive. Amar, bowling from the west end got the brunt of it and went for 15. The follwing over Naz was hit all over the place. In fact in those 3 overs they put on 40-odd runs and ended on 144 for 4. Amar was a not a pretty sight when he came off the field. Bollywood Raf, his brother, Amar and Tany (w) all missed simple catches whilst Shams held onto the one catch that came his way. Fielding was very ordinary from the team but their execuse was the heat.

Our team in reply lost 3 quick wickets to silly balls. Amar and Bollywood Raf got stuck in and took the score into the sixties. They both got out to silly balls and then the rest followed trying to slog to keep up with the run rate. Tariq made a stand of it at the end but his efforts were in vain as we were some 22 runs short. We lost at the Sharjah international stadium. The hosts provided us with packed lunch boxes for iftari which were well appreciated., Whilst waiting for our coach, the floodlights came on and a 20/20 match got under way between 2 local teams; we watched a few overs and then returned to the hotel.

To say that we lost would be putting it lightly. One thing I did not mention above is that the hosts fielded a team of mostly junior players in the 12-15 years age range although there was one 9 year old as well; he nearly got Tany (w) lbw. Losing to a junior team is not something worth writing home about. The lads are embarrased to the extent that they are making up fantasy matches to tell their friends back home; others have gone into hiding. But you read the truth here - first! The non-playing members of the squad kindly pointed out to the hosts that most of our players play in Central Yorkshire or other reputable leagues but it was their off-day today - just to rub it in.

Readers, do us a favour. Write up some placards and have them ready at the airport to greet these losers. Lost to kids!!!!! How embarrasing!

To be honest, the playing conditions were tough for our lads. The wicket was rock-hard and the temperatures soared into the 40s. Bollywood Raf was well on course to make his first tour century but was overwhelmed by the heat; he collapsed twice with exhaustion and was treated. Furthermore, 3 or 4 opposing players, although being young, were from the cricket academy and played extremely well against our bowlers. Shams did his bit by taking a catch but played rather carelessley when batting giving his wicket easily. Amar got a good hiding from the host batsmen in the closing overs of their innings. He made a good start to his batting but then gave his wicket away. Tariq, Naz and others made good contributions whilst Tany (w) took good wickets and fared as the best bowler. Farrukh who had been claiming his fast/strike bowling capabilities did not fare well either; I have seen faster spin bowlers in Sunday league.

Update 10/10/06: Here is how Amar looked after the 'roasting' at Sharjah:

We have been inuadated with requests for the video showing Amar's performance at Sharjah. We were reluctant to show this because Amar is not the sporting type; he is always taking the mickey out of other people but when it comes to receiving he is rather a bad sport. Anyway by popular demand we are showing this advance video; Jhangir has agreed to act as human shield. Actually Amar is a rather decent cricket player but has been known to get some stick from time to time. At Sharjah, he was overwhelmed by the local batsmen with his last over going for 15 runs. He had no answer when he was hit for sixes and fours by youngsters in this match.One of the sixes landed on the roof (on the canvas brolly) and 'ball lost' was declared.

Update 14/10/06: Amar has emailed us with the following:

"I think Hanif is being a little unfair to me when he say's i cant take a joke i was aboustly torched by the lads most nights. Hanif is refering to 1 incident at the zoo when they tried to pull my shorts down and while doing that caught my sun burn and i was in pain real pain and I did spit my dummy about (apology to all concerned) my overall figures for the match were 5 overs 1 wicket for 30 runs not to bad for a part timer !!!!!!. Am accepting an apology HANIF (the banghra man)". Well all we can say to this is Q.E.D. Why did we show Amar's clip but not Nazakat's, who also got a pasting? Well for an ex-Yorkshire player to get slogged like that was of note. Actually when we first met on the last tour, Amar told me that he had played for Yorkshire juniors and I had hoped he was an outstanding player. Of course my hopes were dashed after seeing him play in the first match in Penang.

But at least the lads can all say that they have played on the international wicket at Sharjah. Their claim to fame for the rest of their uneventful lives.

For many of us it was a good tour in terms of enjoying ourselves. Shopping, coulinary delights and trips were outstanding. However, the main reason for the tour was cricket which was missing until the penultimate day. The single match staged after much effort was an anti-climax to the tour as many of the tour members had given up hope of a match and had no practice in any case. How did this come about?

 Some time ago, a team from UAE visted the UK and Azaad (Middlesborough) and Azaad CC (Wakefield) played hosts. An understanding was reached that we would tour the UAE and they would repay the favour. So we organised the flights and hotel ourselves and the cricketers in UAE assured us that they had fixed up several matches for us.

Some 10 days before the departure, one member of the tour spotted some news that there was no place left to play cricket in Dubai because of the demise of the cricket facilities there. A quote in a news article states:

"It’s like wearing a chastity belt to one of Hugh Hefner’s parties when you have the headquarters of the International Council of Cricket in Dubai but no pitches to play any actual cricket in the emirate. The controversy has left many of the officials of both the ICC and the Emirates Cricket Board gobsmacked. The Dubai municipality handed the Dubai Cricket Council its marching orders asking them to clear off from the one place in Dubai where cricket was celebrated. Ironically, seven pitches in the Al Jadaf area near Wafi Mall are making way for the Dubai Healthcare City. The DCC grounds, which housed seven cricket pitches, staged 500 matches a year until they were bulldozed last month."

This news was conveyed to the tour committee but ironically the commitee failed to take note and assured the group that matches were all fixed up. It was only on arrival that we learnt the extent of the truth and the problems facing our hosts - they had no pitch for us to play on. After running around frantically they found a ground with a concrete wicket which our team refused to play on. Some English ex-pats also heard of our visit and offered to play us a match on their private grounds but again that had a concrete wicket and we declined the offer. We were rather lucky that the hosts finally managed to secure a match, at a cost, at the Sharjah international stadium and we were able to play one match.

 The lessons learnt on this tour were, first, arrange everything through a reputable company (as in the Far East Tour 2005) and don't take short cuts. Secondly, keep an eye open to what is going on in the world, don't just trust local people or tour guides (Rock pools come to mind as well!)

 One of the other things I discovered was most of the team members were camera-shy. I approached several lads for interviews during the course of the tour and they declined (primarily because they were shy). A few lads like, Fayoom, Yousuf, Zahed and Nazir did volunteer and give interviews although their voices were drowned by the noisy camera-shy by-standers. The interviews will be seen when the video is released.

One irritant which we are going to address on the next tour is Billy's "Go Home" moans. Every trip we went on, half way through Billy would start moaning and wanted to back to the hotel. At least 2 trips ended prematurely because Billy wanted to go back to the Palm [no] Beach Hotel for some reason. We could not understand why he kept wanting to go back to the hotel. If anyone has an explanation, please write to us.

The hotel was not that bad for the price I suppose but it lacked key facilities like swimming pool and access to the beach. It must be the only hotel in the world which uses the word 'beach' in its name but is nowhere near one. 'Palm Beach Rotana' gives away impressions of palm trees and beaches but the reality was far worse. Situated on Khalid Bin Waleed Road (known as Computer Street to locals) and miles away from the beach it did not suite our needs. Meena Bazaar was a 7-8 mins walk away but everything else was a taxi or bus ride. In the end you get what you pay for.

One of the better things to emerge from this tour was the amount of fun we had from unplanned and spontaneous events. We enjoyed ourselves on the beach and went beserk with laughter when we held the bhangra contest in the coach. The pranks played by some guys also brought much needed smiles to peoples' faces.

I think it has been a good trip/holiday but a failed cricket tour. I have personally enjoyed the 12 days away and I suspect most of the other guys also had a good time. Maybe we can do it better next time. btw Please excuse the apparent harsh comments in this diary - I have license from the tour party to be critical.

Update 13/10/06: Yes we reveal answers to some pressing questions raised during the tour. First, Rainforests are called as such because of the heavy rainfall they endure. In fact a rainforest can only qualify to be called a rainforest if it receives at least 100 inches of rain per year. Secondly, a passenger aircraft cannot stand still in mid-air. I know you might have seen static planes near Heathrow but I can assure you that it is an optical illusion. There is no way that a plane can hold still in mid-air; it would just fall down.

The tour photos can be found here. The video project is well ahead of schedule. It is anticipated that an advance screening will take place in Wakefield on Thursday 26/10 and then a grand opening in Middlesborough on Friday 27/10.

Update 26/10/06: Well, the big day is here! The red carpets are out, the media and the public are going frantic and the stars are getting ready. Yes, it is the grand opening of the tour video in Wakefield today. All the tickets for the screening today and the showing in Middlesborough tomorrow have been sold out already but that has not stopped people camping out overnight to catch a glimpse of the stars as they arrive for the star-studded screening this evening.

The blog from our last tour to the Far East can be found here.

Well, preparations are well under way for the tour next year. Demand is huge and people are advised to get their names down quickly as places are being snatched up.

During a top-level secret meeting it has been decided that Billy will act as the Entertainment Manager on the next tour. Billy will be required to take a Karaoke player with him and to sing 'Achha sila diya' from Hum Tumare Hain Sanam as a minimum. Other members of the tour will have to perform, whether it be juggling, Qawaali, bhangra, poetry or whatever. Any member not participating in this program will be fed to the crocodiles (except Amar, who can't take a joke!) Further, Jhangir has been nominated as the tour Barbecue Manager and the lads expect nothing less than a barbecued llama (are they halal?)